The Tech Support Caller Warning System

Low Stupidity Condition	Signifies a caller offers little or no risk of causing the tech a cranial aneurysm. This is usually a calller who understand that most technical “secrets” are cleverly concealed in the mysterious things called “manuals.” Recommendation: Cherish these ones.
Suspicious Stupiditity Condition	Signifies a caller who is suspected of weapons-grade stupidity, without any real evidence. Recommendation: Send “inspectors.”
Elevated Stupidity Condition	Indicates a significant risk of stroke in the tech cause by a caller who insist that “there is no ‘any key’ on the keyboard” and that “there’s no way I can click on ‘you computer’ from over here.”Recommendation: Slow Breating exercisiese and a good punching bag.
High Stupidity Condition	Indicates a high risk of an apoplectic fit. callers insist that their operating system is “netscape,” their web browser is by “Logitech” and the specific application that blew up on them is “Microsoft.” (Heh) Recommendation: Join a Zen Monastery
Severe Stupidity Condition	Indicates the highest risk possible. Adrenaline overload and renal failure caused by callers who angrily state that they have a degree and are in fact very clever, and that the tech must “hop to it and fix things.” When asked to “open a window” they do in fact get up and open a window. Alas. Recommendation: a large bludgeoning instrument. For you or them, it’s really your choice.

thanks go to My Confined Space for that one.