Thursday, August 31, 2006

Aliens Apprehended by FBI at Roswell

15 illegal immigrants at Roswell, New Mexico, employed by a contractor to paint military aircraft such as the Lockheed C-130, have been arrested by the FBI under the Secure Border Initiative (SBI).

The aliens originate from Mexico, El Salvador and Guatemala and are to be deported following background checks and interviews. Their employers are also to be targetted as a deterrent.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Middle East Events Have Effectively Ended US Military Power Say Analysts

The Bush administration's doctrine of pre-emptive, unilateral military action based on military superiority and a commitment to 'extending democracy, liberty, and security to all regions' has failed and is adrift, many analysts are saying.

Analytical reports from sources including the San Francisco Chronicle, Foreign Affairs magazine and National Review Online say that regime changes achieved in a similar fashion to those implimented in Iraq and Afghanistan are now impossible.

They say a new strategy is required since, they say, it is now impossible to achieve positive results using conventional military means. Alternative energy, for example, is one suggestion put forward as a means to free the US from foreign dependance.


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Saturday, August 26, 2006

Ethical Dilemma

Here's a dilemma for you...what would you do? Only one question, but it's a very important one. Please don't answer it without giving it some serious thought. By giving an honest answer you will discover where you stand morally. The test features an unlikely, completely fictional situation, in which you will have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous.

You're in Florida...In Miami, to be exact... There is chaos around you,caused by a hurricane and severe floods. This is a flood of biblical proportions. You are a photo-journalist working for a major newspaper caught in the middle of this great disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless.

You're trying to shoot career-making photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some disappearing under the water. Nature is showing all its destructive fury.

You see a man in the water; he is fighting for his life, trying not to be taken away with the water and debris. You move closer. Somehow the man looks familiar.

Suddenly, you know who it is... it's George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under, forever. You have two options. You can save him or you can take the most dramatic photos of your life. So, you can save the life of George W.Bush, or you can shoot a Pulitzer Prize winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful men.

Now, here's the question (please give an honest answer):

Would you select color film, or rather go with the classic simplicity of black and white?

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Friday, August 25, 2006

Iran: "Thanks for the nuclear reactor, U.S.!"

The history behind Iran and the US is long and mixed. Not so many can remember the days when Iran was pro-American - certainly less than can recall the time when Iraq and Saddam were US allies. So it may come as a shock to learn that the Tehran Research Reactor, along with its weapons-grade uranium, was a gift from Uncle Sam back in the '60's.Ironically, it is the fuel from this reactor which could find its way into a future Iranian nuclear weapon which in turn could be used against its old Cold War ally.

The reality though is that this is unlikely. Not only has it been officially reported that the Iranians are at least 10 years away from producing a bomb, their current nuclear programme is said to be lacking "the most basic and simple principles of physics and mathematics," according to a study carried out in 2004. In 2001, the facility suffered a serious accident, for which quality control, described as being a "chronic disease", was blamed.

So should the US be concerned about the nuclear activities being carried out in the Tehran complex and the other sites dotted around the country? Well in todays global nuclear free-market, countries such as Russia, China and North Korea are suspected of aiding Iran in furthering its development and the US argues that such a source of energy is unnecessary, given the oil-rich status of their Middle Eastern foe. Thats begs the question 'why did the US see fit to furnish Iran in the first place when the pro-western Shar was in power?' but the current administration doesn't wish to dwell on the past.

The Iranians have admitted using some fuel, supplied previously from Argentina, in enrichment tests, so maybe there is a weapons programme of sorts which has been dabbled with, but its unlikely to have made any real progress, as recent assessments by international bodies have stated. But Iran still has to prove that the programme no longer exists in order to satisfy its critics. If the US has already made up its mind, as it did with the Iraq WMD's, this may be academic. Will the US directly, or by proxy, launch a pre-emptive assault? Many say yes, saying that it's not a matter of if, but when, with any attack likely to be nuclear in itself due to the nature of the targets themselves and the lack of military recources to conduct a fullscale ground assault. We will find out soon enough.

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The Main 9/11 Coincidences (Part 1)

This is all quite coincidental don't you think:

Jonathan (nephew to George) Bush's Riggs Bank was found guilty of laundering terrorist funds and fined a US-record $25 million (link)

George Bush's brother Marvin sat on the board of the Kuwaiti-owned company which provided electronic security to the World Trade Centre, Dulles Airport and United Airlines. (link)

George Bush found success as a businessman only after the investment of Osama's brother Salem and reputed al Qaeda financier Khalid bin Mahfouz.

Osama bin Laden is known to have been an asset of US foreign policy in the past. (link)

al Qaeda was active in the Balkan conflict, fighting on the same side as the US as recently as 1999, while the US protected its cells. (link and link)

Michael Springman , State Department veteran of the Jeddah visa bureau, claims that the CIA ran the office and issued visas to al Qaeda members so they could receive training in the United States. (link)

Many influential figures in and close to the Bush White House had expressed, just a year before the attacks, the need for a "new Pearl Harbor" before their militarist ambitions could be fulfilled. (link and link)

The company PTECH , founded by a Saudi financier placed on America's Terrorist Watch List in October 2001, had access to the FAA's entire computer system for two years before the 9/11 attack. (link)

The standing order which covered the shooting down of hijacked aircraft was altered on June 1, 2001, taking discretion away from field commanders and placing it solely in the hands of the Secretary of Defense. (link)

In the weeks before 9/11, FBI agent Colleen Rowley found her investigation of Zacarias Moussaoui so perversely thwarted that her colleagues joked that bin Laden had a mole at the FBI. (link and link)

Dave Frasca of the FBI's Radical Fundamentalist Unit received a promotion after quashing multiple, urgent requests for investigations into al Qaeda assets training at flight schools in the summer of 2001. (link)

Over the summer of 2001 Washington received many urgent, senior-level warnings from foreign intelligence agencies and governments - including those of Germany, France, Great Britain, Russia, Egypt, Israel, Morocco, Afghanistan and others - of impending terror attacks using hijacked aircraft. (link)

John Ashcroft stopped flying commercial aircraft in July 2001 on account of security considerations. (link)

Former lead counsel for the House David Schippers says he'd taken to John Ashcroft's office specific warnings he'd learned from FBI agents in New York of an impending attack – even naming the proposed dates, names of the hijackers and the targets – and that the investigations had been stymied and the agents threatened. (link)

George Bush had plans to invade Afghanistan on his desk before 9/11. (link and link)

The suggestion that securing a pipeline across Afghanistan figured into the White House's calculations is open for debate. (link)

Mahmood Ahmed, chief of Pakistan's ISI, authorized an al Qaeda payment of $100,000 to Mohammed Atta days before the attacks, and was at a meeting with senior Washington officials over the week of 9/11. (link and link)

Porter Goss met with Ahmed the morning of September 11 in his capacity as Chairman of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence. (link)

Goss's congressional seat encompasses the 9/11 hijackers' Florida base of operation, including their flight schools. (link)

George HW Bush and Shafig bin Laden, Osama's brother, spent the morning of September 11 together at a board meeting of the Carlyle Group. (link)

Newsweek reported that senior Pentagon officials cancelled flights on Sept 10 for the following day on account of security concerns. (link)

George Bush's telephone logs for September 11 do not exist. (link)

I could go on, since this is the tip of the iceberg. Stand by for Part 2 soon which will also include 7/7.

Thursday, August 24, 2006


You tell me if this works, I'm no good with these things...

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Oil In Iraq

Iraq has the world’s second largest proven oil reserves. According to oil industry experts, new exploration will probably raise Iraq’s reserves to 200+ billion barrels of high-grade crude, extraordinarily cheap to produce. The four giant firms located in the US and the UK have been keen to get back into Iraq, from which they were excluded with the nationalization of 1972. During the final years of the Saddam era, they envied companies from France, Russia, China, and elsewhere, who had obtained major contracts. But UN sanctions (kept in place by the US and the UK) kept those contracts inoperable. Since the invasion and occupation of Iraq in 2003, everything has changed and the companies have been scrambling to grab their share of the spoils. In the new setting, with Washington running the show, "friendly" companies expect to gain most of the lucrative oil deals that will be worth hundreds of billions of dollars in profits in the coming decades. The new Iraqi constitution of 2005, greatly influenced by US advisors, contains language that guarantees a major role for foreign companies. Negotiators hope soon to complete deals on Production Sharing Agreements that will give the companies control over dozens of fields, including the fabled super-giant Majnoon, whose 21 billion barrels are worth $1.5 trillion at today's prices. But no contracts could be signed until after elections and the formation of a new government, so that the Iraqi side would appear legally legitimate. While regional governments angle for influence over the foreign oil contracts, most Iraqis favor continued control by a national company and the powerful oil workers union opposes de-nationalization. Iraq's political future is very much in flux, but oil remains the central feature of the political landscape.

Useful Tips To Save People Time, Stress And Money

Don’t waste money on expensive iPods. Simply think of your favorite tune and hum it. To “switch tracks,” think of a different song.

Cinema Goers: Be considerate of pirate DVD viewers; piss before the film starts.

Rappers: Avoid saying "know what I’m sayin’" constantly by thinking first and then speaking clearly.

Don’t waste money on expensive paper shredders to prevent identity theft. Just drop a few dog turds in the same trash bag as your old bank statements.

Worried that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night of drinking red wine? Remove the stains by drinking a bottle of white wine before going to bed.

Soldiers: A digital camera will avoid all that messy court martial crap after a trip to the photo printers.

Murderers: Need to dispose of a body? Simply box it up and ship it to yourself via DHL. You'll never see it again.

Men: When listening to your favorite CD, turn up the sound to the volume you desire, and then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from bitching about it and then doing it herself.

Gamblers: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending $100 to yourself by U. S. Mail.

Bang two pistachio shells together to give the impression that a very small horse is approaching.

Drivers: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.

Car thieves: Don’t be discouraged when nothing is visible. All the valuables are probably hidden in the trunk.

Depressed people: Instead of attempting suicide as a "cry for help," simply shout "Help!" to save money on drugs.

Motorists: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your cell phone while driving. Hide it inside a large seashell and the cops will think you're listening to the ocean.

Shoes last twice as long if only worn every other day.

Single men: Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing in a shopping centre with several shopping bags while looking at your watch.

Alcoholics: Don’t worry where the next drink is coming from; go to a pub, where large quantities are available at retail prices.

McDonald's: Make your take-out bags green in color so they blend in with the countryside after people have thrown them out their car window.

Women: Don’t waste energy faking orgasms. Most men couldn’t care less. Use the energy you save to clean the house.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Stephen Colbert Puts ShortNews Members 'On Notice'

Don't say you haven't been warned, guys, Stephen has cast judgement.....

The Tech Support Caller Warning System

Low Stupidity Condition Signifies a caller offers little or no risk of causing the tech a cranial aneurysm. This is usually a calller who understand that most technical “secrets” are cleverly concealed in the mysterious things called “manuals.” Recommendation: Cherish these ones.
Suspicious Stupiditity Condition Signifies a caller who is suspected of weapons-grade stupidity, without any real evidence. Recommendation: Send “inspectors.”
Elevated Stupidity Condition Indicates a significant risk of stroke in the tech cause by a caller who insist that “there is no ‘any key’ on the keyboard” and that “there’s no way I can click on ‘you computer’ from over here.”Recommendation: Slow Breating exercisiese and a good punching bag.
High Stupidity Condition Indicates a high risk of an apoplectic fit. callers insist that their operating system is “netscape,” their web browser is by “Logitech” and the specific application that blew up on them is “Microsoft.” (Heh) Recommendation: Join a Zen Monastery
Severe Stupidity Condition Indicates the highest risk possible. Adrenaline overload and renal failure caused by callers who angrily state that they have a degree and are in fact very clever, and that the tech must “hop to it and fix things.” When asked to “open a window” they do in fact get up and open a window. Alas. Recommendation: a large bludgeoning instrument. For you or them, it’s really your choice.

thanks go to My Confined Space for that one.

Whoop Ass

Monday, August 21, 2006

Enough Said

Advice to employees on the proper use of the System Administrator's valuable time

(In following examples, we will substitute the name "Ted" as the System Administrator)

* Make sure to save all your MP3 files on your network drive. No sense in wasting valuable space on your local drive! Plus, Ted loves browsing through 100+ GB of music files while he backs up the servers.

* Play with all the wires you can find. If you can't find enough, open something up to expose them. After you have finished, and nothing works anymore, put it all back together and call Ted. Deny that you touched anything and that it was working perfectly only five minutes ago. Ted just loves a good mystery. For added effect you can keep looking over his shoulder and ask what each wire is for.

* Never write down error messages. Just click OK, or restart your computer. Ted likes to guess what the error message was.

* When talking about your computer, use terms like "Thingy" and "Big Connector."

* If you get an EXE file in an email attachment, open it immediately. Ted likes to make sure the anti-virus software is working properly.

* When Ted says he coming right over, log out and go for coffee. It's no problem for him to remember your password.

* When you call Ted to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under a year-old pile of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, unpaid bills, bowling trophies and Popsicle sticks. Ted doesn't have a life, and he finds it deeply moving to catch a glimpse of yours.

* When Ted sends you an email marked as "Highly Important" or "Action Required", delete it at once. He's probably just testing some new-fangled email software.

* When Ted's eating lunch at his desk or in the lunchroom, walk right in, grab a few of his fries, then spill your guts and expect him to respond immediately. Ted lives to serve, and he's always ready to think about fixing computers, especially yours.

* When Ted's at the water cooler or outside taking a breath of fresh air, find him and ask him a computer question. The only reason he takes breaks at all is to ferret out all those employees who don't have email or a telephone.

* Send urgent email ALL IN UPPERCASE. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

* When the photocopier doesn't work, call Ted. There's electronics in it, so it should be right up his alley.

* When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at your home computer, call Ted. He enjoys fixing telephone problems from remote locations. Especially on weekends.

* When something goes wrong with your home PC, dump it on Ted's chair the next morning with no name, no phone number, and no description of the problem. Ted just loves a good mystery.

* When you have Ted on the phone walking you through changing a setting on your PC, read the newspaper. Ted doesn't actually mean for you to DO anything. He just loves to hear himself talk.

* When your company offers training on an upcoming OS upgrade, don't bother to sign up. Ted will be there to hold your hand when the time comes.

* When the printer won't print, re-send the job 20 times in rapid succession. That should do the trick.

* When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all the printers in the office. One of them is bound to work.

* Don't use online help. Online help is for wimps.

* Don't read the operator's manual. Manuals are for wussies.

* If you're taking night classes in computer science, feel free to demonstrate your fledgling expertise by updating the network drivers for you and all your co-workers. Ted will be grateful for the overtime when he has to stay until 2:30am fixing all of them.

* When Ted's fixing your computer at a quarter past one, eat your Whopper with cheese in his face. He functions better when he's slightly dizzy from hunger.

* When Ted asks you whether you've installed any new software on your computer, LIE. It's no one else's business what you've got on your computer.

* If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the monitor and stuff the cable under it. Those skinny Mouse cables were designed to have 55 lbs. of computer monitor crushing them.

* If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame Ted for not upgrading it sooner. Hell, it's not your fault there's a half pound of pizza crust crumbs, nail clippings, and big sticky drops of Mountain Dew under the keys.

* When you get the message saying "Are you sure?", click the "Yes" button as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you?

* Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that boneheaded computer crap." It never bothers Ted to hear his area of professional expertise referred to as boneheaded crap.

* Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. God forbid somebody else should sneak a one-page job in between your 500-page Word document.

* When you send that 500-page document to the printer, don't bother to check if the printer has enough paper. That's Ted's job.

* When Ted calls you 30 minutes later and tells you that the printer printed 24 pages of your 500-page document before it ran out of paper, and there are now nine other jobs in the queue behind yours, ask him why he didn't bother to add more paper.

* When you receive a 130 MB movie file, send it to everyone as a high-priority mail attachment. Ted's provided plenty of disk space and processor capacity on the new mail server for just those kinds of important things.

* When you bump into Ted in the grocery store on a Sunday afternoon, ask him computer questions. He works 24/7, and is always thinking about computers, even when he's at super-market buying toilet paper and doggie treats.

* If your son is a student in computer science, have him come in on the weekends and do his projects on your office computer. Ted will be there for you when your son's illegal copy of Visual Basic 6.0 makes the Access database keel over and die.

* When you bring Ted your own "no-name" brand PC to repair for free at the office, tell him how urgently he needs to fix it so you can get back to playing EverQuest. He'll get on it right away, because everyone knows he doesn't do anything all day except surf the Internet.

* Don't ever thank Ted. He loves fixing everything AND getting paid for it!

Sunday, August 20, 2006

An 8 Min Ride Through Paris In A Ferrari 275 GTB Driven By A Formula 1 Racing Driver

On an August morning in 1978, French filmmaker Claude Lelouch mounted a gyro-stabilized camera to the bumper of a Ferrari 275 GTB and had a friend, a professional Formula 1 racer, drive at breakneck speed through the heart of Paris.

No streets were closed, for Lelouch was unable to obtain a permit.

Follow the trip visually and via Google Map simultaneously.

See it HERE.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Mayday! Mayday!

Guy On Cellphone Witnesses A Car Accident....

you gotta hear this, its classic: CLICK HERE


Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Fourteen Things That It Took Me Over 50 Years To Learn (by Dave Barry)

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers.

13. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Its Official: Extra Terrestials Prefer Firefox

Why else would they produce this crop circle?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Funky Monks

How to be a good Democrat or Republican

...Democrat: You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
...Republican: You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread because people are evil and should be punished.

...Democrat: You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th-graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
...Republican: You have to believe that evolution is a myth (despite the evidence of biochemistry and the fossil record) but that Intelligent Design theory should be taught in schools.

...Democrat: You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese & North Korean communists.
...Republican: You have to believe that there is no causal link between legal, easily-obtainable handguns and high murder rates.

...Democrat: You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
...Republican: You have to believe that unfunded arts and school programs are still subject to government control.

...Democrat: You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate and more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs.
...Republican: You have to believe that global temperatures are completely unaffected by fossil fuel emissions, that the best way to save the national forests is to allow logging companies to cut down old-growth timber, and the best way to save endangered species is to allow trophy hunters and wildlife traders to import more of them.

...Democrat: You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
...Republican: You have to believe that homosexuality is evil (despite the fact that it occurs in nature) and that women should stay at home to cook and bear children.

...Democrat: You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
...Republican: You have to be against abortion but support capital punishment.

...Democrat: You have to believe that businesses create oppression, and governments create prosperity.
...Republican: You have to believe that corporations never purposely hurt anyone to make money.

...Democrat: You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
...Republican: You have to believe that hunting requires an automatic rifle.

...Democrat: You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
...Republican: You have to believe that middle class income should be taxed, but inherited wealth should not be.

...Democrat: You have to believe that the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
...Republican: You have to believe that war is an acceptable solution to any economic or social problem.

...Democrat: You have to believe that the military is another political porkbarrel for wealthy campaign contributors of certain politicians.
...Republican: You have to believe that everyone should support the troops - except when it comes to pay or benefits.

...Democrat: You have to believe the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
...Republican: You have to believe the NRA is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.

...Democrat: You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
...Republican: You have to believe that taxes are for poor and middle class people, not the rich.

...Democrat: You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Gen. Robert E.Lee, and Thomas Edison.
...Republican: You have to believe that Oliver North and Monica Lewinsky are more important to American history than Martin Luther King and Robert Kennedy.

...Democrat: You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
...Republican: You have to believe that affirmative action is wrong, because everyone knows there's no more racism in America.

...Democrat: You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and really a very nice person.
...Republican: You have to believe that Ann Coulter is normal and really a very nice person.

...Democrat: You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.
...Republican: You have to believe that the only reason supply-side economics hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge.

...Democrat: You have to believe conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.
...Republican: You have to believe liberals telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and draft-dodger belongs in the White House.

...Democrat: You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
...Republican: You have to believe that all Americans should be white heterosexual Christians.

...Democrat: You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese government is somehow in the best interest of the United States.
...Republican: You have to believe that illegal Republican Party funding by corporations is somehow in the best interest of the United States.

...Democrat: You have to believe that this letter is part of a vast, right-wing conspiracy.
...Republican: You have to believe that the media are biased toward liberals, despite the fact that all the major media outlets are owned by ultra-rich conservatives.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Politics Explained

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

9/11 Coincidences

Go HERE to see what I mean.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Newly Discovered Text Takes Doomsday Threat Out Of Bible

A recently discovered Book of Psalms dated to about A.D.1000 contradicts the apocalyptic Psalm 83 found in the later King James Bible which many believed predicted the destruction of the state of Israel.

Many Christians took the biblical text of "Thine enemies … have said, Come, and let us cut [thy people] off from being a nation that the name of Israel may be no more in remembrance" as being relevant to recent events concerning the Lebanon crisis.

The new text does not refer to Israel but instead the "vale of tears", with experts believing that a loss in translation occured in the way that the older Greek text and the later biblical Hebrew-to-English Psalms were assigned.

Monday, August 07, 2006

75 Academics Swell 9/11 Conspiracy Movement

A newly-formed movement called Scholars for 9/11 Truth is challenging the official story about the September 11th attacks, attracting academics who include a physicist, a retired philosophy professor, as well as Princeton and Stanford elites.

They have produced books and self-published papers which claim that the "World Trade Center was almost certainly brought down by controlled demolitions" and say that 9/11 was allowed to occur or was orchestrated by the government.

Daniel Orr, a Princeton Ph.D and retired from University of Illinois, is one academic who is convinced the twin towers and Tower 7 were demolished. Judy Wood, a former assistant professor of mechanical engineering, concludes the same.

Saturday, August 05, 2006

Google Bombing

OK, now its official - go to, type in 'failure' (without inverted commas) and see what comes up.

Some of you may already be aware of that particular 'google bomb' but have you tried these other gems?:

ignorant bigots



swivel eyed loons

terrorist sympathizer

Unusual Words

Never feel intellectually-challenged at parties ever again by slipping into the conversation a few of the following unusual but potentially super-impressive words:

abacinate - to blind by putting a hot copper basin near someone's eyes

abecedarian - a person who is learning the alphabet

aeolist - a pompous windy bore who pretends to have inspiration

algerining - prowling around with the intent to commit burglary

apodyopsis - the act of mentally undressing someone

autotonsorialist - one who cuts their own hair

borborygmus - the rumbling sound of gas passing through the intestine

callipygean - having well-shaped buttocks

colposinquanonia - estimating a woman's beauty based on her chest

eccedentesiast - one who fakes a smile, as on television

emunction - the act of removing obstructions from or cleaning bodily passages

gossypiboma - a surgical sponge accidently left inside a patient's body

gymnophoria - the sensation that someone is mentally undressing you

hadeharia - the practice of constantly using the word "Hell" in speaking

jumentous - smelling like horse urine

krukolibidinous - the act of staring at someone's crotch

mallemaroking - the carousing of seamen on board Greenland whaling ships

mytacism - the incorrect or excessive use of the letter M

nidorosity - belching with the taste of undigested meat

petrichor - the smell of rain on dry ground

qualtagh - the first person you see after leaving your house

sgiomlaireached - the habit of dropping in at mealtimes

skoptsy - the act of self castration

sphallolalia - flirtatious talk that leads nowhere

vigesimation - the act of killing every twentieth person

You may of course find some of these words easier to slip into a conversation than others, but at least nobody could ever accuse you of suffering from
lethologica (the inability to recall a precise word for something).

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

UFO video footage - what do you make of this?

A year ago I was sat in my office at home working on my pc when I heard a deep drone sound comming from outside. I initially ignored it but after five minutes or so I decided to take a look. I found myself staring at a glowing red-orange ball which looked very much like a golf ball, with a plasma-effect light eminating from all around the dimples on its surface. Coincidentally, it was about the size of a golf ball held at arms length and seemed to be a mile or so away, although the distance was difficult to estimate without a real point of reference to compare it to. I managed to grab my video camera and film it for several minutes and you can view the footage that I took via the link below. It was completely static, with any movement being due to me fighting to keep the camera still. The image isn't nearly as clear as it was with the naked eye and the colour on the film is white instead of the red-orange that I saw, but if anyone has any ideas as to what it might have been I'd be glad to hear from you.

Here's the LINK

(please note, the file is about 5MB in size and in Windows Media format)

Blast the Atmosphere with Sulphur to Slow Global Warming, Study Suggests

A paper produced by Nobel laureate Paul Crutzen of the Max Planck Institute for Chemistry in Germany and the Scripps Institution of Oceanography, San Diego, suggests that sulphur introduced into the earths atmosphere may slow global warming.

Crutzen observed the effects of volcanic eruptions and fossil fuel use, noticing that both emit sulphate particles which reflect incomming solar radiation back into space, which in turn produces a cooling effect in the earths atmosphere.

It is proposed that sulphur is released in large quantities into the stratosphere, with the effect lasting about 2 years. Such a plan, he says, may be required given the current inadequate political response to greenhouse gas emissions.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

SETI Accused of Covering Up Alien Signals

The SETI (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) Institute, has been accused by Steven Greer, the CEO of Space Energy Access Systems, of covering up the detection of a high concentration of signals which were later blocked by another company.

Greer says "They have had numerous extraterrestrial signals", claiming that a prominant SETI insider has acted as informant. "They were apparently searching in a spectrum or in an area ... where they hit the mother lode."

He added "The signals were so numerous that they began to have their systems externally jammed by some sort of human agency that did not want them to continue receiving those signals." SETI officials deny the cover-up allegation.