Absolute Stupidity And How To Achieve It

We live in a world dominated by stupidity. The media dumb down our TV programmes, magazines, newspapers and films. Modern-day politicians often employ stupidity in the decisions they make and how they communicate those decisions to the electorate. Take President Bush - he's either stupid or smart but pretending to be stupid. Either way we're screwed. Our society encourages stupidity and discourages independent thought. Stupidity is the new cool. Clever is the new stupid. Now I don't know whats what.

For example, fish are, by general consensus, stupid. Do they burn fossil fuels or develop weapons of mass destruction? No. They swim and they do it well. Do cows have any awareness of the path of their lives, being fed, milked and then slaughtered? No and if they did they would immediately realise the futility of their existence. It is therefore totally logical that humans should be the same. Thinking is self-harming. Intelligence has got us into a lot of trouble and we really should stop 'doing' it.

In order to lead a happy, content life people need to install within themselves a wilful stupidity or ignorance. Thankfully you are not required to think, even about how to make yourself stupid. An author called Trevor Strong will guide you. Through his books Ignorance Is Bliss and Get Stupid within just a week, using a few very simple steps, you can become the dumbshit that you always wanted to be. Here's how it works:

Step 1. Stop Thinking - empty your brain and use it as seldom as possible. You won't be needing too much of it from now on.

Step 2. Shift The Blame - this is needed in order to change your mindset, alter your perception and, on the few occasions that you do think, to make your thought processes work efficiently in your favour. For example, imagine that you are drunk, driving your car and you crash into a telegraph pole. Your first instinct will probably be to blame yourself. Straight away you need to stop because already you are thinking again. Shifting the blame minimises this, so you must immediately blame 1) the bar for allowing you to get drunk in the first place, 2) the automobile manufacturers for producing the car that you were driving, and/or 3) the telephone company, since if there were no pole you would not have crashed in the first place. See how easy it is?

Step 3. Loose Touch With Your Feelings And Delete Your Emotions - stop feeling things, such as love, empathy, etc. They'll only get you thinking again (contravening Step 1) and possibly taking responsibility for stuff (contravening Step 2).

Step 4. Build Walls - separate yourself from anything significant and treat it as if it were on the 'outside'.

Step 5. Avoid Challenges - after all, you cannot possibly fail if you never even attempt to succeed.

Step 6. Deny Deny Deny - the only truth is your own truth. Protect yourself by denying anything troublesome in order to protect yourself and then forget it as soon as possible. You don't want those pesky thought processes kicking in again, do you?

Step 7. Consolidate all the previous steps. Remember that all things are simple to a simple mind. The beauty of all of this is that if and when you finally reach the holy grail of complete stupidity you'll not even be aware of it. You'll never know how stupid you really are! Isn't that great? Its kinda like being put to sleep - you're there before you know it and its all totally painless.

So all you intelligent, free-thinking individuals out there - stop screwing up the world with all that 'thinking' stuff and get on the Stooopid Bus. You're fucking it all up for the rest of us.